Stopwatch
by Sailor Seraphim
Summary: Life is made of moments, and sometimes you just need to... stop. 1+2


Title: Stopwatch (1/1)  
Author: Sailor Seraphim (slrsera @ aol.com)  
Archive:   
l.e.t.h.a.l.t.h.o.u.g.h.t.s. :: http://www.pluh.com/members/icefire  
FanFiction.net :: http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=39868  
Final Triumph :: http://www.geocities.com/finaltriumph  
Emy's Archive :: http://emy.gwyaoi.com  
All others please ask.  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its related characters. If I did, the series would be chock-full of tasty shounen ai goodness. I do, however, own the situations which occur in this fic.  
Pairings: 1+2  
Warnings: Heero POV, rambling, beeping, and a messy bed.  
Spoilers: *shrugs* The end of Endless Waltz? There isn't anything really spoilerish in this one.  
Notes: Random plotbunny attack. I should really write the things I'm supposed to be writing instead of writing little oneshots like this.  
Feedback: I take all constructive criticism. No flames, they leave nasty scorch marks on the carpet.  
  
  
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Beep.  
  
This is my life.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life before was a narrow bed, the sheets fitted and pristine, hardly rumpled even though they had been lain in for hours on end. And if, by chance, the sheets were rumpled in the night -- by endless nightmares or the random twitching of a person plagued by insomnia -- they were always smoothed out by the morning. Always fixed and fitted and stark and lifeless.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life now is a bed far too large for one person, daunting for even two. The monstrosity was covered in endless miles of rumpled quilts, pillows that refused to stay in place, fitted sheets that always ALWAYS pulled off the corners to tangle around our legs. And if the bed was two large for one person, even two, it didn't matter as long as we remained spooned together in the middle of our cotton and polyester nest. And here the nightmares didn't come so often, not with a callused hand to rub across my back and a husky voice to murmur in my ear. And it wasn't difficult to fall asleep either, not when I had the comforting thump of a heartbeat sounding beneath my ear.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life before was rigid, cold and precise. There was a set time for everything. I knew what had to be accomplished; I knew how many hours I had to do those things. I fulfilled every objective with the precision of a Swiss watch. And if, at the end of the day, I was left alone with nothing else to do, that was efficiency. Feelings had no place in a world run by duty and clocks.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life now is a whirlwind of conflicting desires. The same structure remains -- I know what needs to be done and I know how many hours I have to do it. But now, if I do not finish my tasks, I need not chastise myself for my lack. There is always tomorrow. And while I am still as efficient as ever, there are now opportunities for me to look out my window and watch life passing by. And now, I can stop at the corner store and buy a dozen daisies and a pint of ice cream, and watch my lover's eyes fill with joy at the unexpected surprise.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life before was not much of a life. It was a semblance of it. I lived. I breathed. I ate. I did my tasks in the only way I knew how, because that is the only life I had ever known. It had never occurred to me that others might live differently; that their lives did not start, progress, and end in the same way as mine. I knew there was difference -- there had to be a difference, a reason why voices would whisper behind my back and fingers would point in my direction when their owners thought I wasn't looking. There had to be a reason for why I was outcast, set apart, different... but I never knew what it was.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life now is much more than I expected. It came with a sunny smile and vibrant violet eyes. He, too, was the object of attention, whispers, and finger pointing. But where I ignored the actions -- only feeling uneasy for not fitting in -- he flaunted his differences, not afraid to be who he was and what he was wherever he happened to be. He was not afraid to be singled out... not afraid to throw his arm around my shoulders and lean against me at his leisure. And soon, I learned that, too. Before, where my actions were brusque and rude because of ignorance, now I had the confidence to know my place in the world.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life before was lonely. I kept people away for my own benefit as well as theirs. I did not know how to handle myself around them, could not differentiate between a mocking jest and a threatening attack. And when no one made moves to befriend me, I did not make such overtures either. I wanted no one around me to complicate the already fragile hold I had on reality.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life now is full. I have learned the value of friendship, allies, and why it is better to be polite to the butcher on Mondays. My life and heart are alive now, swelling with the emotions that I had long kept in check. I am not afraid any longer to make my opinions, wishes and desires known. I do not fear the looks of strangers as I slip my arm around my lover's waist possessively, drawing him against me and showing the world that this is whom I love.  
  
Beep.  
  
My life is currently a foot kicking me in the shin, a sleepy somatic response.  
  
"... dammit, 'Ro..." Duo's voice comes from beneath the piles of quilts. "Stay in bed or get up but turn that fucking alarm off!"  
  
My lover kicks me again and -- obligingly -- I roll over, one hand slapping against the beeping alarm. I stare, for several moments, at the glowing green numbers. With a sigh, I roll again, pulling the covers over my head and Duo back into my arms. He squeaks in surprise before letting out a contented murmur and falling back into slumber again. I close my eyes. There's nowhere I need to be. There's nothing that can't wait.  
  
Because this is my life.  
  
  
  
  
  
-- Owari -- 


End file.
